I recently watched a reel where a small dinosaur from a cartoon tries to roar, but only a faint sound comes out, almost silent. Then a small boy bites the dinosaur on the leg, triggering it to find its voice and let out a powerful roar finally.

This reminded me of how we often deal with emotions. We either suppress them, afraid to express ourselves genuinely, or let them out in rage or impulsiveness.

A common reason we suppress our emotions is the desire to present a perfect public image. We tend to use false politeness—when we’re not feeling well, we say everything is fine, even when we’re screaming inside. Those bottled-up negative emotions, stemming from unmet needs, build pressure. If left unrecognized and unmanaged, they can erupt uncontrollably. Like a lava from a volcano.

Instead of controlling or suppressing emotions, we can learn how to manage them and communicate our needs effectively. The balance lies in emotional intelligence (EI).

But it’s easier said than done. When most people think of emotional intelligence, they immediately think of empathy. In fact, it’s much more than that—and it starts with self-empathy.

Self-Empathy

Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, describes four key pillars: self-awareness (recognizing our own emotions), emotional regulation (managing those emotions), interpersonal skills, and relationship management.

However, the ability to build quality relationships with others begins with developing a close and nurturing relationship with oneself.

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize emotions like sadness, fear, excitement, and disappointment. It also involves identifying the needs behind those emotions so we can express and communicate them effectively.

In my workshops, managers often say, “When I go to work, I leave my personal problems at the door.” But personal and professional life are intertwined when it comes to emotions. If someone is burdened by personal issues, they can’t simply turn off their emotions. Unmet needs will continue to press, and suppressing them only damages mental health.

It’s essential to recognize and validate our emotions. In an organizational context, if people in leadership positions don’t deal with their negative emotions—such as fear, feeling overwhelmed, stress, or sadness—those suppressed emotions will eventually manifest as anger or frustration. The environment that a leader creates has the strongest influence on team members, affecting their motivation and efficiency.

Leaders are often burdened with negative emotions and unmet needs, just like everyone else. By mastering EI, particularly emotional regulation, leaders can promote a thriving, results-driven corporate culture.

Managing Emotions

Emotional regulation is a key aspect of emotional intelligence. Strengthening emotional intelligence gives us the ability to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Emotional reactions often occur without considering the consequences of one’s actions. They are mostly impulsive, lacking forethought or planning. Emotional responses, however, involve recognizing and managing one’s emotions in a way that brings up positive outcomes.

We all react impulsively in certain situations. Reflecting on these reactions allows us to understand the emotions behind them and consider better responses in the future.

In Other People’s Shoes

Self-awareness and self-reflection help us learn from our emotional experiences, allowing us to test different strategies for emotional responses in the future.

Empathy is often understood as the ability to feel what others are feeling. However, there are three types of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate. Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand others’ thoughts, feelings, and perspectives without necessarily sharing their emotions.

In organizational settings, cognitive empathy is essential because it helps team members understand each other emotionally while respecting different perspectives.

Social Awareness

The final pillar of emotional intelligence—relationship management—is closely tied to leadership.

We often call this skill “knowing how to work with people.” This involves a range of abilities connected to emotional intelligence, such as conflict management, motivation, active listening, strengthening team dynamics, and effective communication.

Leaders can learn to use emotional information to guide their thinking and behavior, inspire others, and create an environment of productivity and growth.

Self-empathy, emotional regulation, empathy, and relationship management help us in the most needed quality of life – building relationships.

Whether in personal or professional life, valuable relationships support our well-being and happiness.