The feeling caused by someone’s gesture, action, or word may or may not have anything to do with the intention of the “offender.” And vice versa. The insulter may intend to hurt, but the effect could be the absence of an expected emotional response.
The importance of self-care
Blue Monday – or how to cope with the feeling of sadness
How do we deal with sadness?
First, let’s allow it to exist.
Emotions are bodily reactions to external or internal stimuli. We cannot control them. What we do control are their manifestation and our behavior. We manage them. Hence, instead of hiding or denying them, it is good to recognize them.
Inspirational leadership – motivation vs. control
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Miley Cyrus’ song Flowers became an unprecedented hit, especially among women. It is called an anthem of female independence and strength. It raises awareness that our survival and happiness do not depend on the other, of a man, for example. It also raises awareness of the importance of self-care.
Even so, this song raises several questions that deserve a closer look.
Should we suppress emotions like sadness and anger, often following rejection or breaking out?
Should we suppress them to “make” ourselves strong in public or stay in contact with authentic emotions?
Emotions are what make us human. They make us vulnerable and can bring us down, as well as they are the motion wheel of our behavior and actions. The words emotions and motivation have the same root in the word movere, which means movement.
I believe most of us have faced rejection and love disappointment. It can hurt as if your flesh is being torn from the bones or make us feel like someone close to you died with whom you shared a lot, and now we have nothing in common.
The feeling of sadness is necessary for our life, just like happiness. But the most important thing is to be in touch with ourselves and our emotions. Behind every expectation, there is a need. Behind every negative emotion, there is a need. So we have to discover our needs to be able to change the situation.
When I have felt such great sadness that someone I love does not share the same feelings, I have felt very close to myself, authentically. And here comes the critical question. Do we want to change that situation? What will we do for ourselves if we cannot change the circumstances? What will we undertake to take care of ourselves and our well-being?
Will we get stuck in self-pity and the role of victim, or will we become the creator of our future? Finally, if someone didn’t see us in the way we expected, let’s open up the possibility for someone else to see it. And most importantly, see in ourselves the preciousness of our authenticity. Love ourselves truly and devotedly.
The second question is, can we exist by ourselves and be happy?
The most straightforward answer is no. We are born alone but are designed as social creatures and thrive in relations with other people. On the pyramid of human needs, the highest is self-actualization and maximizing our full potential. However, almost all different needs are related to other people, such as the need for love, esteem, or belonging.
We all give up some of our individuality for the happiness that “togetherness” brings. We make compromises. If we work in a team, personal goals and ambitions cannot prevail, but the common ones. No one can make results alone, but achievements depend on the pooling of resources. It is the same in a partnership. But it is essential to consciously give up some of our individuality in the name of love or another kind of togetherness. To set boundaries, to which extent is me, and from which extent togetherness starts. Which part of my authenticity do I want to protect and not give up, and where do I want to give up something in the name of togetherness?
What does it mean to establish a close and nurturing relationship with yourself?
The most crucial relationship worth nurturing for a lifetime is with the one with whom we are genuinely connected throughout our lives – with ourselves. Nourishing a close and caring relationship with yourself is necessary to build healthy relationships with others. For example, suppose someone seeks confirmation of their worth through fulfilling other people’s needs and expectations. In that case, they will lose their authenticity and have a more challenging time facing crises when disappointment comes.
What does self-care mean?
In my training, both on leadership and personal development and resilience, self-care has a significant place as a condition for our well-being.
Self-care is knowing which activities, people, or things make us happy and relaxed and support our physical and mental health. It is essential to use all five senses to be open to sensations that make us feel good.
My final question for today is, what did you do for yourself today?
I bought myself flowers 🙂